Inspired by a post on Offbeat Mama (http://offbeatmama.com/2011/05/being-a-mom)
This blog entry was just what I needed to hear today. I consider myself to be an “offbeat mama”- I am a Liberal, Neo-Marxist, tattooed, honors college student (studying an atypical major- Anthropology), Atheist, Anti-racist, Evolutionist, cultural critic, home cook, military wife and oh yeah- I also have a kid.
Let me take you back about a decade, I grew up (since 6) a Navy brat, we moved around every 18 months or 3 years. I struggled with Clinical depression from the age of 15 and I barely graduated high school, but somehow I managed to get good enough grades through my marijuana induced/ reduced attention span (and my interests in biology and politics). When I left that town at 19, I didn’t look back (though there are a few good friends I wish I’d kept in touch with). After a brief stay with my big sister in Wisconsin and a crappy job at a shoe store, I married a Sailor (actually my first and only love) and he took off to sea for 6 months. So pretty much, I was 19, married and “street smart” with a crappy retail job….don’t get me wrong- it was fun at the time and is fulfilling for some people, but I knew I was capable of and needed to get more out of life. Five years later, a lot of ups and downs in our marriage and we finally figured life out and learned to co-exist in what I like to call an egalitarian partnership. After I was diagnosed with endometriosis and feared eventual infertility (by 30) we decided to try for a child since it could take years (said the doctor)….probably around 48 hours later a tiny sperm made its way into an ovum somewhere’s down in my reproductive system…and about 10 months, 45 hours of labor and an Emergency C-section later…I was a mom. Mind you a physically, and mentally, exhausted and traumatized one at the time. About a week later when I started really waking up it was just like ok…I have a kid…now what?
A few weeks later, the candidate of my choice (Barack Obama) was elected president, as I was watching the results on tv. I sat on the couch holding my tiny son, and I cried. I cried (mostly because of raging hormones), but also because I felt for once, that maybe this country might have the chance to see some of the changes that I felt (and still feel) desperately need to happen. After all, a man with African heritage had been elected in a country with a torrentially racist history. It was a few months later when we moved, that I decided to go to college. I decided that I couldn’t put my life off anymore, not for the military and most importantly because I had a child. Besides, I nearly went nuts as a stay-at-home mom, major props to those of you who do/ did it! In the future I want my son to have parents that can be there to help him with his high school homework, to encourage him to strive for a college education, and to provide an open-minded and loving environment for him to grow and develop as a human being . But overall, I’m doing it for myself. I want to be informed, I love knowledge- truthfully, I’m kind of addicted to learning because it empowers me and makes me feel alive. I discovered later, that I also really needed to prove to myself that I was good enough and truly capable of achieving something with hard work and devotion. The understanding that I have gained in only 2 years has upended the way I see the world and changed my life…I can hardly fathom what it must be like to earn a PhD.
I guess what I’m trying to say is this. Being a mother is amazing and it brings a lot of joy into life, but to me it is not a unique enough experience to be the only thing that defines me. Billions of other female primates in this world rear their offspring because it is in their nature and biology too. What I do think is pretty unique about me is how much I love learning about various subjects- which I never thought I would based on my past. College is what you make of it, and I’ve taken in everything I wanted, and maybe discarded some things along the way too. I think that labels tend to oversimplify that which can be very complex, i.e. my dog Frank is not just a dog, he is also a companion, confident, and friend among other things.
I have had people say to me, “I am a good person because I’m a - - insert label here - -.” Whether we are Christian, Agnostic, Buddhist, Mother, Father, Soldier, Businessman, Republican, Democrat, Black, White, Ape, or Dog …we are also much, much more. Labels have definitions, and definitions are adaptable just like people. They invariably change, and so do we. Labels often come along with stereotypes, and stereotypes are based on perceptions. If you hear that I am a tattooed, atheist – you might judge me. Would you guess that I’m a military wife, or that most of the men in my family three generations back have “served their country”, or that I am a straight-A college student with pretty good finances? People are more complex than labels- we are all trying to repress our nature to suit our culture, so much so that we don’t know which is which or how to define either. At the end of the day I am satisfied because I know that I am happy, healthy and can truly say that I know and love who I am, and I know that I am a good person because I am always striving to be better and unafraid of changing. No label can cover all of that.
“Nothing endures but change”- Heraclitus
